Statler and Waldorf Quotes

I’ve seen better performances at funerals.

They should put a warning sign before this show – ‘May cause severe boredom.’

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and unwatch this show.

They should rename this show ‘The Great Sleep-Off.’

I’ve seen more excitement in a retirement home.

This show is like watching paint dry, but without the thrill.

I’d rather be trapped in an elevator with a clown than watch another minute of this.

If this show was any more dull, it would come with a prescription for sleeping pills.

Watching grass grow would be more entertaining than this.

I thought this show was supposed to be a comedy, but I haven’t laughed once.

I could watch a sloth in slow motion and still have more fun than this.

They should give out free coffee at this show – it’s the only way people will stay awake.

I’d rather have a root canal without anesthesia than sit through another episode.

Are they aiming for the Guinness World Record for most yawns per minute?

If this show was any more boring, it would be a cure for insomnia.

I could knit a sweater faster than this plot is unraveling.

If this is entertainment, then I’m better off staring at the wall.

I’ve seen better acting in school plays performed by first-graders.

This show is so bad, it’s making me nostalgic for commercials.

I wouldn’t recommend this show to my worst enemy – it’s too torturous.

I feel like I’m being punished for a crime I didn’t commit by watching this show.

This show is like watching grass grow, but without the benefit of fresh air.

If this show was any more monotone, it would put me to sleep permanently.

I’ve seen more entertaining funerals than this show.

I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard for an hour than endure another episode.

They should have a sign at the entrance – ‘Enter at your own risk: possible extreme boredom.’

If I had a choice between watching this show and cleaning toilets, I’d choose the toilets.

I can’t decide which is worse – the acting or the writing.

This show is like being stuck in traffic – it feels like it’s never going to end.

I wouldn’t even use this show as a punishment for my kids – they’d never forgive me.

I thought this show was supposed to be a comedy, but it’s more like a tragedy.

I’m starting to question my life choices for tuning in to this.

I’d rather watch paint dry in slow motion than another episode of this show.

This show is so boring, it’s like watching a snail race against a turtle.

I’m glad there’s no audience, because I wouldn’t want anyone to witness this disaster.

I’ve seen more excitement in a dentist waiting room.

I can feel brain cells dying every minute I watch this show.

This show is so bad, it’s a crime against entertainment.

I could clean my entire house faster than this show progresses.

I can’t believe I wasted precious hours of my life on this show.

I’d rather watch a compilation of paint drying videos than sit through another episode.

I’ve seen more thrilling documentaries about paint drying.

This show is like staring into the void and realizing there’s nothing there.

If this show was any slower, it would be in reverse.

Watching this show is like listening to elevator music that never ends.

I’d rather have my wisdom teeth pulled out without anesthesia than continue watching.

I can see why they chose an empty theater for this show – it’s a fitting setting.

I didn’t know it was possible to make silence so loud.

I’d rather listen to a monotone lecture on tax law than watch another minute of this.

I hope they have a free refund policy for the wasted time and brain cells.