COLORADO SPRINGS — Andrew Joseph Brown’s obituary said he was into video games and computers – typical 17-year-old pastimes.
It also said he would walk through fire for his friends and family.
“If you were lucky enough to have his love, you know there was nothing he wouldn’t do for you. In the end, it was his unwavering love that consumed him and took him from us,” the obituary said.
Brown was the culprit in a fatal shooting last week that had little to do with love, experts say. Rather, the words in the obituary – and the code of silence that preceded the fatal confrontation on a road in southeast Colorado Springs – reflect the troubling world of teen domestic violence.
It’s a world of power and control, where jealousy in a relationship is confused with love. Teens will talk to their friends about abuse, but not adults. They’re afraid to lose their boyfriend or girlfriend in a high school culture where a bad date is better than no date.
On the afternoon of Nov. 5, Brown, a high school junior, lay in wait with two loaded shotguns in his Chevrolet Suburban. When his girlfriend, Tiffany Howard, 16, got into a Ford Explorer with friends, he followed.
Four miles down the road, Brown rammed his Suburban into the Ford. He threatened Howard and her friends with one of his guns, Colorado Springs police say.
Jeremy Vasquez, 16, called 911, but before police could arrive, Brown shot Vasquez, leaving him critically injured. He then shot and killed the driver of the Ford, Michael Fisher, 18. Next, he beat the girl he had dated on and off since his freshman year with the butt of a shotgun before turning the gun on himself.
The obituary, experts say, is wrong. Brown’s acts were not about love, experts say. His mission was power and control – a case of teen domestic violence taken to the extreme.
“Love says: ‘I want what’s best for you, even if that is not me.’ It doesn’t say: ‘I’m so in love with you that I’m going to hunt you down and shoot you if you don’t pick me,”‘ said Jennifer Kober, director of Rocky Mountain Behavioral Health in Cañon City.
A dearth of violence data
While domestic violence among adults has come to the forefront as a public health issue, teen dating violence remains in the shadows.
Studies show that as many as one in five high school girls report being physically or sexually abused during a teen relationship, according to a report in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
A study last year by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, considered conservative among experts, shows that both boys and girls have experienced physical violence. In a survey of 15,240 high school sophomores, 8.9 percent said they had been slapped, hit or pushed by their girlfriend or boyfriend and 9 percent had been forced to have sexual intercourse.
The Colorado Bureau of Investigation does not keep statistics on teen domestic violence. No Colorado agency has done a statewide assessment of teen dating violence, said Tracey Schlafer, children and youth advocacy director for the Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Only one Colorado agency offers comprehensive prevention education for youth.
Domestic violence experts say the need for more awareness, training, education, mandatory treatment for teen offenders, research and recordkeeping is enormous.
“Awareness is extremely limited, which exacerbates the problem greatly because you can’t see something you’re not looking for,” Kober said.
Rarely do already uncomfortable parent-teen talks about dating address what constitutes a healthy relationship.
“The idea that adolescents are being pinched or bitten or shoved or controlled or belittled never crosses their mind,” Kober said.
To kids, dating brings status
The dynamics of abuse in teen dating are the same as in adult domestic violence. In teens, though, it plays out on a peer-centered stage, not in a home. One of the strongest barriers to reporting is teen culture.
“You have to think about how important status is in school, that having a relationship is better than no relationship, regardless of how healthy it is,” said Melina Fraga, teen dating violence educator for Project PAVE – Promoting Alternatives to Violence through Education.
Teens also are reluctant to turn to parents in part because the response is a predictable “You’re never seeing him again. He’s not good for you. He’s not the right person.”
“The problem is that immediately when the parent takes that stance, the victim takes up the opposite and starts to convince the parent of what a good person this person is. And you divide very easily and the offender starts to work with that,” Kober said.
Last week in Colorado Springs, even as Brown followed them, the teens waited five to 10 minutes to call police.
“They don’t think to reach out to us,” said Lt. Skip Arms, spokesman for Colorado Springs police.
Police said that Tiffany Howard never reported concerns about Brown to a school resource officer or to police.
At Doherty High School, a young woman who sat next to the couple during a class never noticed anything unusual.
“A.J. was completely normal,” said Carmen Duenas, 18.
Experts say that stalking, especially after a break-up, is common in teen relationships. In many cases, teens equate jealousy with like and love.The girls, in some cases, think that driving a guy crazy-jealous is a good thing.
“In the adolescent culture, it means ‘I must be sexy. I must be hot.’ It means you’re all that and a bag of chips,”Kober said.
Colorado Springs police have not released details about the relationship between Brown and Howard. Police said that Howard called a friend to pick her up on Nov. 5 because she had “concerns,” though police have not said what those concerns were. Brown, however, expressed his love for Howard in a letter posted on his MySpace page.
He wrote: “I love you, I will always love you, till the day I die. You’re perfect in every way for me.”
He pleaded that Howard not break up with him: “I can’t do this again.”
There was no hint in the letter that he would kill on Nov. 5.
State rates “C” for protection
Under Colorado law, anyone being abused in an intimate relationship can seek a restraining order or protection orders from a court. But Break the Cycle, an advocacy group based in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C., gives Colorado a “C” for protecting young victims of domestic violence because a judge decides whether a minor can get such an order with parental permission, spokeswoman Liza Lorenz said.
Schlafer said that many cases in Colorado are prosecuted as simple assaults, a fight after a football game, for instance, and never tagged as domestic violence cases. And while the state mandates treatment for juvenile sex offenders, there is no such requirement for teen domestic violence offenders.
The need for education in schools is enormous. Only one agency in Colorado, Project PAVE, offers a comprehensive education program on prevention of teen dating violence.
“High school students are ready to think critically about their relationships,” Fraga said.
Each year, Fraga visits about 30 middle and high schools in the Denver area. Many students come to her after classes for more information.
“It is a way to connect them with a resource. It is hard for a teen to just pick up a phone and call a hotline,” Fraga said. “I get a lot of feedback on ‘I just didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like.’ I’ve had students disclose: ‘I think I’ve been an abusive partner.”‘
Erin Emery: 719-522-1360 or eemery@denverpost.com
How teens can help one another
Teens are most apt to tell their friends about a frightening or abusive relationship. With that in mind, Project PAVE, Promoting Alternatives to Violence through Education, has created a list of what to look for and ways to help a friend in trouble.
Name it: Call the behavior what it is and do not make excuses for the abuse.
Watch for it: Pay attention to your friends’ relationships. Making sure your friends are OK is not being nosy.
Don’t blame: No matter the situation, dating abuse is never justified – and therefore, if it happens, it is never the victim’s fault.
Find support: Be prepared to find the appropriate help for your friend. You can contact a trusted adult or call a hotline or agency that specializes in teen dating violence.
Access safety: As a friend, you can be very helpful and a great listener, but be aware of situations that are serious and need an adult to intervene. Evaluate the situation and encourage your friend to get help from an adult or agency.
Don’t put up with it: Don’t laugh at jokes about other people’s partners. Don’t reinforce an abuser’s name-calling or other bad behavior, even if he or she is your friend. This sends signals to your friend that having power and control and putting down his or her partner is OK.
For more information or support, contact Project PAVE at 303-322-2382 or projectpave.org.
