What do incest, blackmail and homosexuality have in common? They're all ideal Sunday evening television storylines according to the suspended Midsomer Murders producer Brian True-May. Race, however is not.
True-May gave an interview to this week's Radio Times in which he argued that his quaint little show would be ruined if it was forced to shoehorn in ethnic minorities characters.
"We just don't have ethnic minorities involved. Because it wouldn't be the English village with them. It just wouldn't work," he said.
It is of course true that the majority of Britain's ethnic minority population live in urban areas – according to the last census 45% of the non-white population live in London with most (but by no means all) of the rest in major cities like Birmingham, Leeds and Leicester.
When the results of the new census come back it's fairly safe to assume they will show that the nation's non-white population continues to live mainly in urban areas, while the countryside remains a largely (though by no means exclusively) white environment. So True-May's factual point that there are few non-whites in the countryside is fair.
Where his argument takes a sinister turn is his claim that Midsomer is "the last bastion of Englishness and I want to keep it that way".
Leaving aside that no one seems to be able to define what "Englishness" actually is (presumably it doesn't include Welshness, Scottishness, or Cornish pasties), True-May's comments highlight his own creative shortcomings and are also wildly insulting to his audience. He is effectively telling black viewers (and actors) Midsomer is not for them, while simultaneously assuming the show's viewers are as small minded as he is.
"I'm trying to make something that appeals to a certain audience, which seems to succeed. And I don't want to change it," said True-May. His argument seems to be: "Ridiculously improbable murders: Fine. Believable non-white characters? They'd never stand for it, and neither would I."
It's a fact that people like to see themselves represented on screen, and in this respect middle aged white men are no different to the rest of us – after all, David Cameron famously claimed it was his favourite television programme – but is he really saying that black characters have no place on screen in anything other than gritty urban drama?
If the viewer can suspend their belief enough to believe that the sleepy village of Midsomer is a hotbed of adultery and murder, surely they'd be able to believe in well-rounded non-white characters? Has True-May really never seen a black person in wellies? And even if he hasn't, does he really think his viewers would switch off in droves if he were to up the melanin a little? Please don't insult our intelligence with cries of "it's not authentic". Neither are your plot lines but that doesn't stop you. The idea that TV is so overrun with black characters that Midsomer Murders is representing a much neglected white viewer is ridiculous.
What True-May seems to be saying is that non-white characters just wouldn't "fit in". That some white people think this is not news to black people. In another TV debacle only a couple of weeks ago the locals of the Yorkshire village of Grassington told black Londoners Phillip and Simone the same thing as part of Channel 4's Love Thy Neighbour series. The only difference being that Phillip and Simone are real people.
When will TV types realise that a non-white character gives you more creative leeway, not less. Race adds an extra dimension to a character. Black characters don't have to be sitting at the table discussing the Brixton riots every episode, you can still do all the usual incest, blackmail, adulterous stuff but you have whole other world of storylines too. Black characters enhance drama, rather than restrict it.
One of the most moving pieces of radio I've ever heard was when the Archers' Usha Gutapa realised who was responsible for racist attacks on her. That storyline was more than 15 years ago – if Ambridge can manage, surely so can Midsomer.
If I was inclined to give True-May the benefit of the doubt, I'd say it's clear he believes he's simply giving his viewers what they want, which begs the question, does he think Midsomer fans are racist?