Who can replace Dermot O'Leary as X Factor host?

Several years past its heyday, X Factor finds itself greatly diminished. Now little more than a tatty coat hanger for adverts and recaps, it has desperately little to offer other than the chance to hear lots of songs you’re sick of performed by lots of people you hate.

But until very recently, X Factor did have one thing going for it, and that was Dermot O’Leary. For the last handful of years, Dermot had been the best thing about X Factor. Slowly, but surely, we’ve seen him come to realise that the show is beneath him, and his spectrum of coping mechanisms have been a joy to behold. He tried being relaxed and larky. He tried scrapping with the judges and commenting sarcastically when hoary old tropes flare up. At times, he seemed so bored by the whole shebang that he attempted weird endurance feats just to keep himself amused, like that time he gave himself two minutes to conduct 14 separate interviews with the contestants.

But on Friday, Dermot O’Leary revealed that he would no longer present X Factor. It’s no great loss to him – after his Comic Relief danceathon he’s enough of a national treasure to move on to better things – but it leaves an almighty hole in the side of X Factor.

Hosting X Factor is one of those things, like catching grapes in your mouth or wearing drop-crotch meggings, that’s a lot harder than it looks. You just have to look back at the bad old days of Kate Thornton – or the unspeakable pile-up that was Steve Jones presenting X Factor US – to see that. You need to be unflustered and quick-witted. You need to be kind enough to offer hugs, and stern enough to gee the judges along when they get too interminable. You need to simultaneously be championing the show and the voice of the audience. It looks exhausting. While O’Leary could pull it off, others might struggle.

So who should replace him? Let’s immediately rule out Zayn Malik and Jeremy Clarkson, because, God knows, that joke’s already been done to death. We should also rule out Sarah-Jane Crawford, the current Xtra Factor presenter who has been tipped for the job, because she probably lacks the necessary authority. On her current job, she struggles to be heard over the judges when they’re only discussing their wardrobe choices, so it would be exasperating to watch her try to wrangle important elimination decisions from them.

While we’re at it, let’s strike Marvin Humes from the list as well. Although he got his break on X Factor, as a member of JLS, his current stint co-hosting The Voice suggests that he probably isn’t a born presenter. On The Voice, he’s basically second banana to Emma Willis and, although he only really has to nod and read out tweets, he attacks it with all the verve of a tired and defeated second-division footballer reluctantly taking part in a post-match interview. If he struggles with that, there’s no way he’d ever make a convincing case for people to download the official X Factor app, which is about 75% of the job.

That leaves Olly Murs and Caroline Flack, the favourites to replace O’Leary. To some degree, this makes sense – they were both in charge during the liveliest run of Xtra Factor, and they share a pleasantly sparky chemistry. And, on the surface of it, this pairing seems like a win-win. Flack the more experienced presenter of the two, will be able to cover all of Murs’ inevitable mistakes; and the demands of the job will stop Olly Murs from releasing any more bloody music.

But I still have my doubts. They’re likeable, yes, but I’ve yet to be convinced that they have O’Leary’s clout. Really, the only person who can replace Dermot O’Leary is Dermot O’Leary, and the X Factor producers should be falling over themselves to get him back. Or, failing that, they should book Wagner. God, I miss Wagner.