Daniel Radcliffe was once the subject of one of the world’s most extravagant and thoughtless social experiments: What if we take an 11-year-old, ply him with cash, project our dearest-held childhood fantasies onto him, and then record his every move for the rest of his life?
It defies logic and reason that Radcliffe came out of this crucible of judgment a lovely, charming, self-effacing person. Improbably, he has the personality of someone whose elaborate orthodontia left him ostracized in high school, forcing him to develop an inner life and social skills. He’s easy to talk to. He’s funny. He’s a certified noncreepy male feminist. He seems to treat service workers with the same deference he treats studio heads. It’s almost like...magic.
While actors who play iconic characters often find themselves slightly crushed under the weight of their own success in a role, Radcliffe, instead of deliberately building a career that is the antithesis of Harry Potter, seems to have grasped that he simply cannot control whether people see him as an adult man or a fictional wizard. Right now he’s simultaneously starring in a West End play, the TBS comedy Miracle Workers, and a historical drama about South African anti-apartheid activists. And in his newest movie—Guns Akimbo, out now—Radcliffe plays a crusty coder and internet troll who ends up locked in a public death match. (I deeply did not want to see this movie, but I am here to report that it was funny, even to me, a person who prefers lighthearted singing to violence.)
Radcliffe was your childhood crush. Now he’s the one celebrity you’re convinced you would actually really enjoy being on an adult recreational volleyball team with. So we invited him to answer our Inappropriate Questions, Glamour’s column that asks all the cheeky, slightly off-kilter stuff best saved for a second (or better yet, third) date. Reader, he immediately started talking about his penis. And his love language.
Glamour: I’m going to ask you some inappropriate questions.
Daniel Radcliffe: Oh Jesus!
In Guns Akimbo, your character carries his phone around even though he’s being tracked by murderers because he wants his ex to text him back so badly. I thought that was relatable! Was that kind of desperation familiar to you?
Not, I am happy to say, in recent days. But when I was a teenager? Yeah, 100%. I’ve been with my girlfriend now for eight years, so it’s been a long time since I stressed over a text, but absolutely I was one of those people that was analyzing, “How long should I wait before I text somebody?” And then, “Is it too much to put a kiss? Is two kisses just insane? What if they don’t write any back? That means they hate you!” All that mental cycling around, I did a lot of that.
I was watching the movie and taking notes and one just says, “Oh shit! We see his penis!” Was that you, or did you use a body double?
No, that is not me. I am, uh—you know, I’m Jewish! So that will give you enough information as to why that is not my penis. It’s not actually anyone’s; it’s a prosthetic.
Did you get to pick the prosthetic penis?
Um, no. [Laughs.] It was more a case of—they had to do, I guess, a color skin match so that it would be appropriate for me. Also, I think, if I’m correct, you don’t see any balls? Because the balls of that prosthetic penis were...not good. I don’t know what it had been made for; it was not made specifically for the film, I don’t think. A lot was going wrong with the very downstairs part.
You are correct about the balls. Do you believe in astrology?
I do not, no. I’m very boring and skeptical. Which is a shame because I think I’m on the cusp of Cancer and Leo, which is a cool thing to say, because on the cusp is a...I don’t know if that sounds cool. But it doesn’t yet, none of it means anything to me, I’m afraid.
I’ve read that you’re into poetry. Who do you think is the sexiest poet?
Oh! Well! I mean, Shelley and Keats. Well, Keats wasn’t really sexy. Keats was like very, very romantic but probably not sexy. Shelley was probably quite sexy. Byron, if anything, was too sexy. They all looked like very, very handsome young men who also were incredibly talented writers. Byron is just the one that you go, “You seem like you may be a terrible human being, even if you wrote beautiful poetry.”
All too common. What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done?
Obviously, as a teenager who liked poetry, I wrote tremendous amounts of horrible teenage love poetry. I’ve done the, like, flying in when someone doesn’t know you’re gonna fly in to surprise them, when they don’t expect you to be in the country, and you just sort of arrive on the doorstep.
That's very romantic!
But I feel like, in terms of love languages, or whatever that is—is one of them gestures? Because gestures is not my love language.
What do you think is your love language?
Isn’t one of them just telling people? And touch?
Words of affirmation?
Words of affirmation! That’s definitely very much me. And I feel like touch, those would be my two main ones.
Does that match well with your girlfriend?
I hope so! We’ve been together eight years. I hope, if not, she’d say something.
What is the most inappropriate thing a fan has ever said to you?
Well, I had a very weird one the other night. A woman the other night at the play came up to me and went, “I just want you to know that my aunt saw you in Equus. And she wants me to tell you that your chest hair is far too much for her.” And it was all really said with the sense of “I know you wanted to date my aunt who you’ve never met or heard from before, but now you can’t.”
Have you ever ghosted anyone?
Ah, yes. I think I definitely did. Not to keep going back to when I was a teenager, because apparently the more I do the more I sound like I was a really shitty teenager, but I’m sure I did that to somebody.
What happened? Why’d you do it?
Oh, because I was young and stupid and terrified of confrontation and honesty. So probably that. It wasn’t like a serious relationship relationship. But I definitely would have done that when I was like, oh God, 16 or 17? Oh man. I have learned.
Ghosted by Daniel Radcliffe! Oof. What’s the weirdest thing you do when you’re alone?
I catch myself being very stupid when I’m alone. I’ve apologized to inanimate objects in my flat before. Like, I opened the fridge once and coughed in it and didn’t cover my mouth and just said, “Oh, sorry!” to no one. I talk to myself.
I had to get permission from my editor to ask this question: Do you think Harry and Ginny ever had sex on Hogwarts property?
I don’t know! I’m now also trying to remember the ages that they are at the various points of the film, and I don’t want to get either of these fictional characters into trouble, so I’m going to pass on that one.
What’s the sexiest thing about you?
Oh, God. Please don’t ask me that. You’d have to ask my girlfriend. Um, I dunno. Oh, God. Sorry.
Jenny Singer is a staff writer for Glamour who could see herself being friends with Daniel Radcliffe. You can follow her on Twitter.
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